Keeping It Real

I showed up early for once but yet I had to wait an extra twenty-five minutes until the door opened. "I apologize in advance, Shay-Lin, is it? I corrected her pronunciation of my name and followed her down a hall and when she turned the door knob I hoped this doctor wouldn't be like the last one I went too. I walked in the room and was surprised to see the computer screen was huge and the doctor was an attractive white male probably in his early thirties. I took a seat and said this is weird and laughed. It was the first time I was seeing a doctor over a computer screen. We introduced ourselves then got straight to business. I felt comfortable with him so I asked him something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. I know you are just meeting me now and you don't know much about me but how do you know when someone doesn't have to be on medication anymore? When I was first in the hospital I was a mess. I learned so many traumatizing things that happened to me that I definitely needed to be on medication to cope with it all. But after time has passed I feel like I've improved a lot. I've accepted the things that have happened and I no longer get  that crippling anxiety. I also know how to handle stressful situations. The doctor said, honestly there is no way to know for sure if someone doesn't need medication anymore. Basically it's up to me and how I feel. Instead of freaking out on me like other doctors would. "You can't stop your medication!" "You need medication!" "You have a chemical imbalance in your brain!", Is just some of the bullshit doctors feed you so they can make money. They tell you you need the medication because there is a chemical imbalance in your brain when the truth is the medicine is what causes the imbalance in your brain. I'm just sick of putting pills in my body. I'm sick of having to make sure I take it all the time. I'm sick of not being able to stay up all night with friends. I'm sick of the doctors appointments and having to explain why I'm there a hundred times. During my research witch I have done lots of I found out the longer you take an antipsychotic the harder it is to ween off of it. I've been on it for almost 2 years now. But anyway this doctor was great he kept it real with me. He asked me some personal questions like when my last period was and if there were a chance I could be pregnant. I laughed and said NO! He said is it because you are on birth control or you aren't sexually active? I said "It's because I'm smart." Him and his assistant got a kick out of that. He thought is was a great response and said he's never got that before. He didn't want to change my medication yet but told me the next time he sees me we will start to decrease my medication and see how I do. It was so nice to not be fed bullshit for once. I hope everything goes good and I can eventually be pill free.