Abandonment & Attachment Related Trauma

On our way he insisted we stop at a place that looked like a whore house from something we had just seen in an episode of trailer park boys. As he exited the car he told me to sit tight. I watched him walk over to two whores. The whores kept looking at me sitting in the car and they continued to flirt with him. I wondered what was going on. I watched as he leaned over and whispered in one of the whores ears. I felt anxiety pounding me in the chest. Was he cheating on me? 

I looked down and told myself don't worry about it. No negative thoughts, just relax. He got back in the car, I didn't ask him about it because I trusted him. He told me I could trust him so I believed him and forced all the doubt and negative thoughts out of my head. We soon arrived at our destination. It was a place that looked familiar to me but I didn't know exactly where we were. It looked like the middle of a city and was surrounded by shops. It was night time and a lot of the shops were closing. I needed a new pair of gauges so I decided to see if any of the stores that were open sold them. He was with me for a while then told me he was going to look for something and that we would meet back up in a little bit. I said okay and I looked and looked for a store that sold gauges. I finally found a tattoo shop and found a pair that I liked then walked down a street and noticed some carnival type thing going on. Damn I wish he was here to see this with me. I took my phone out and tried texting and calling him but there was no answer. I started to panic. After a couple of calls he finally answered. I asked, "Where are you? Where are you?" He sat on the phone but didn't answer me. Continuing to ignore my question. "Please tell me where you are! What is going on?" Finally he told me where he was. He told me he had met up with a couple of his friends at some club in Wilkes Barre. "What? Why would you leave me here by myself!? And I have no Idea where I am!" No answer. The anxiety overwhelms my chest and I felt sick to my stomach. At that time I was already sitting in a taxi telling them to take me home. I was so confused and then he told me to take the taxi to the club where he was at. I thought he was ending it with me for sure. Why would he leave me all by myself? Just take off like that? I told the taxi driver to take me to the club. I looked down to see what I was wearing. I was dressed conservative and debated on if I should go home and change first before showing up there. Put something extremely sexy on and show him what he was losing. Then I heard the bedroom door open. I rolled over and felt him sit on the edge of the bed. I felt him place his hand on my leg."Good Morning Sleepyhead."

Crazy In Love

After hours of contemplating

I decided to come through

No one ever made me feel the way you did

I wanted to see if it was still true

What I truly desired most

Was being wrapped up in your arms

I always ran back to you

You kept me out of harm

Years have passed

We both have changed

I am no longer afraid

Being with you I feel so relaxed

No more anxiety 

It's the fears that took over my sanity

I hope you see that now

It's fun reminiscing with you

Now that we have figured ourselves out

People wont understand us

Call us crazy

But that's okay 

A love like we shared doesn't disappear

After years or even a decade