Not So Pretty

I'm gonna start this off by saying I know that I am pretty. You may think,"What a conceited bitch.", but my entire life up until about a year ago I thought that I was ugly. Now I know that I am pretty and more on the inside than out. But this blog post is titled "Not so Pretty" and I'll tell you why, because being pretty isn't always so pretty. Lots of you think pretty girls have it made, that they can get anything they want in life. That is true in some ways but my life is not all peaches and cream because I have good looks. One shitty thing about being pretty is you can't go anywhere or do anything without getting hit on. Just the other day I walked into a convieniant to get a couple of twisted teas and not once but twice was I hit on. I'm standing there trying to pay for my drinks and the guy behind me says, "Damn where are you from? I never seen you before.", then asked me for my number. Was he hot? No!!!!. It's never the hot guys hitting on you. He was old and missing some of his front teeth. After I told him "I'm sorry I don't give my number out." he left. Then the cashier hit on me too. "Where are you from? Oh, these are for you and your girlfriends but no boyfriend? Why?" All I'm trying to do is buy some drinks here!!!! That's all I want to do!!!! Not only do I get hit on no matter where I go or what I do, having good looks has also negatively impacted my jobs. In a lot of bar/ restaurant setting jobs I've felt uncomfortable by fellow employees even managers. I've had one of the cooks at a restaurant I worked at slap my ass. I smacked him in the face and told him that was not acceptable. Guess what? A couple of months later he did it again! At another job it was my second day and my shift was over. I sat at the bar to have a beer then the bartender asked if I could bring these two drinks up to my managers office. It's what he got every night. Here ya go I said as I brought them into his room and set them on his desk. "Oh thank you." he said, then I watched his eyes go from my ass up to my face. It always happens. What is up with guys looking you up and down and making sure you notice them checking you out? Do they think we think it's hot or something? It's not!!! It's creepy!!! and it is disrespectful!!! Speaking of disrespectful, Facebook! If you are a pretty girl on Facebook the number of messages you get from creepy guys is ridiculous. I never thought it was a big deal until guys would literally blow my messages up and be rude because I didn't respond. You think you could ignore their 55 messages saying "Hey", but no. I've had guys call me a fucking whore because I didn't answer them. Another time I had a guy blowing me up so bad. "Where are you?,What's up?, Hello?, Why don't you answer me?, Hey," I was so fed up I actually said to the kid, "When someone doesn't respond to all of your messages  they are not interested! Take a fucking hint!" I even had one guy message me once, "Sex?", Like really??? Another problem pretty girls face is finding a guy that looks past the surface and appreciates who they are on the inside. Nothing annoys me more than when I'm trying to have a conversation with a guy and they keep touching my leg or keep trying to make out with me. Don't get me wrong I love kisses and being passionate but for five minutes? Please!!!! Could you actually pay attention to what I am saying and keep your dick in your pants for five minutes???? I may be pretty but I have brains too and I wish guys would acknowledge it. Maybe compliment how smart I am? Instead of telling me how pretty I am or how nice my ass is. Another circumstance is being a pretty girl in the club. The only good thing is free drinks. It's true!! Pretty girls do get a lot of free drinks but you know the repercussions of letting a guy but you a drink? They won't go the fuck away!! They leach on to you. Sitting at the bar you turn around, there he is. You walk to the complete opposite side of the bar and they somehow end up right behind you. Or you're dancing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by 50 people, I guarantee you can spot him through the crowd looking like Where's Waldo, stalking your ass. Also, guys don't understand what the word no means. You tell them, "I do not want to dance with you. I want to dance with my girlfriends.", but yet you feel them grab your waist and pull you into them. I said No!!!!! Just because you are pretty they think they can treat you like a piece of meat. And last but certainly not least, Dick Pics. If you are a pretty girl with a SnapChat you know what I'm talking about. When I first got snapchat and posted my snap name on Twitter my snapchat was swarming with dicks. It amazes me that guys think girls want to see it. And they call us crazy? What makes you think Id want to see your floppy disgusting penis while I'm on my lunch break. So there you have it the day in the life of a pretty girl consists of not being able to go into a convieniant store without getting hit on, getting sexually harassed at work, creepy guys messaging you and stalking you in the bar, guys not giving a shit about your personality and endless amounts of dick pics. Not so peachy.

Keeping It Real

I showed up early for once but yet I had to wait an extra twenty-five minutes until the door opened. "I apologize in advance, Shay-Lin, is it? I corrected her pronunciation of my name and followed her down a hall and when she turned the door knob I hoped this doctor wouldn't be like the last one I went too. I walked in the room and was surprised to see the computer screen was huge and the doctor was an attractive white male probably in his early thirties. I took a seat and said this is weird and laughed. It was the first time I was seeing a doctor over a computer screen. We introduced ourselves then got straight to business. I felt comfortable with him so I asked him something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. I know you are just meeting me now and you don't know much about me but how do you know when someone doesn't have to be on medication anymore? When I was first in the hospital I was a mess. I learned so many traumatizing things that happened to me that I definitely needed to be on medication to cope with it all. But after time has passed I feel like I've improved a lot. I've accepted the things that have happened and I no longer get  that crippling anxiety. I also know how to handle stressful situations. The doctor said, honestly there is no way to know for sure if someone doesn't need medication anymore. Basically it's up to me and how I feel. Instead of freaking out on me like other doctors would. "You can't stop your medication!" "You need medication!" "You have a chemical imbalance in your brain!", Is just some of the bullshit doctors feed you so they can make money. They tell you you need the medication because there is a chemical imbalance in your brain when the truth is the medicine is what causes the imbalance in your brain. I'm just sick of putting pills in my body. I'm sick of having to make sure I take it all the time. I'm sick of not being able to stay up all night with friends. I'm sick of the doctors appointments and having to explain why I'm there a hundred times. During my research witch I have done lots of I found out the longer you take an antipsychotic the harder it is to ween off of it. I've been on it for almost 2 years now. But anyway this doctor was great he kept it real with me. He asked me some personal questions like when my last period was and if there were a chance I could be pregnant. I laughed and said NO! He said is it because you are on birth control or you aren't sexually active? I said "It's because I'm smart." Him and his assistant got a kick out of that. He thought is was a great response and said he's never got that before. He didn't want to change my medication yet but told me the next time he sees me we will start to decrease my medication and see how I do. It was so nice to not be fed bullshit for once. I hope everything goes good and I can eventually be pill free.