A sky full of stars.

A birthday party

Turned into much more of a delight

The fire was big 

The stars were bright

I wasn't sure if he liked me

But I picked up his vibes

He lent me his knife 

And he gave me a ride

As the night came to an end

All I wanted to do

Was gaze at the stars 

On a blanket with you

Laying together 

Counting the shooting stars

I didn't want him to leave

So I curled up into his arms

We were getting sleepy

And he had to leave 

I pleaded for him not to go 

It appeared I'd have to give him a reason to stay

So I did so

I stratled him

As we kissed

My hand gripping the grass

I didn't want to get caught

We'd have to be fast

Flipping me over 

Taking off my pants

I slid down his zipper 

And felt him at last

Before I knew it

We were going at it

Under a sky full of stars

I gave him a kiss goodbye

Before he got in his car 

As a reminder of her.

After a long day spent in Hershey I agreed to go to my moms boyfriends house with her to see what was going on with my car. ( They had been working on it all weekend.) My moms boyfriend lives at home with his father who is around the age of 75. When we got to his house his father was sitting on the porch so we sat with him and started to conversate and catch up. While I sat on the ledge of the porch I couldn't help but notice a small door to my left and through the window on the door I saw this room. Light from the sun casted through the window onto an antique white table and chair dining set and what looked like light blue carpets. It looked absolutely beautiful. I asked is that part of your house? Does someone else live there? My mother and him started laughing. He joked "Yes someone else lives there." Then got up and said "Follow me and I'll show you." So he opened the door and I followed him inside of his house. We made a sharp left turn and then he opened a door and I walked in. I was instantly hit with a breeze of fresh air and something about the room felt comforting and beautiful. It was very feminine. He pointed to a painting on the wall and told me his wife had painted it. A painting of their cat. He went on to tell me a story about how they had a mole in the back yard and how they bought the cat originally to get rid of the mole. As he was telling me the story I remember how my mother told me his wife had passed away a couple of years ago. I complimented him on how beautiful the room was. He knew how I was into writing and art so he pointed to a poem that was framed on the wall and told me to read it. He said it was his wife's favorite poem. Now unfortunately I don't remember the poem word for word but as I read it I started getting tears in my eyes. I realized that this room was hers. He kept this room as a reminder of her. I felt like how I felt watching the movie Up for the first time. I told him the poem was beautiful and I joked that I had better get out of there before I ball my eyes out and he said "I know I know", and we left the room. I left that night thinking how amazing? Love does exist and I felt the love they shared as I was in that room and I read that poem. Truly touching. 

BAD BLOOD

After hours of contemplating I have decided to share this encounter with you. So I started seeing this guy. We went on 5 dates total. Date 1- he took me to a restaurant in Dallas, went for frozen yogurt and we went to see the fireworks at Mohegan sun. They were amazing and I thought it was a great 1st date. Our second date he invited me to a wedding and I was introduced to his closest friends that I totally adored. Smart, funny, great guys that I will truly miss. I asked his one friend if he liked me and he said yes and that he thought with my creativity that I'd be a perfect balance with him. And I thought so too. I never dated a guy who was into sports before he was different and I liked that. 3rd Date we went to a zoo and an aquarium. I had a great time with him and the more we talked and got to know each other the more I liked him. The 4th and 5th date we just went out to a local bar and I spent the night with him. While we hung out, road tripped, and sat at the bar. We discussed a lot of topics. And one of them that came from his mouth and I quote " I don't like liars and mind games". I agreed with him and told him I would never lie to him I am real and straight forward about everything. I asked him if he liked me. And he said he did. Also when we ran into his friends at the bar he would make kids jokes referring to me. "I asked her to have kids with me but she won't" jokingly and I replied " We gotta get married first" we talked about kids a lot. I told him how I love kids and wanted to have lots of babies. It seamed like we had common goals. We clicked. Looking back it makes me sad because for a while I kept telling myself I don't think I want kids because when I looked at them it reminded me of the abuse I suffered when I was a kid. But with him it was different. When I looked at him I felt safe and comfortable. He made me feel like everything would be okay. I trusted him. I felt myself growing feelings for him. Now Im pretty sure every girl does this but when I see a guy I ask myself Could I marry him? And when I looked at him I really thought It was possible. I could see myself marrying him And having little babies together. He made future plans with me asked me to go to a wedding with him in September. I started shopping for an outfit and everything. I thought he liked me and I really liked him but I have one regret... and that is that I slept with him on our fifth date. I drank too much and it happened. Honestly I don't remember most of it. And it's a shame. I joked with him that I had a five date rule but truly I wanted to sleep with him the first time I laid eyes on him. So attracted to him. I remember laying in his bed the first time I spent the night I laid there watching him sleep and though god I would love it so much if he just pounced on me! I wanted him so bad. But anyways that morning I remember I was super hungover I kissed him goodbye before he went to softball and I left. After that day my car broke and I didn't have it for a week. I wanted to meet with him so bad the next day for lunch but I couldn't and I missed him so much all week. All week I stressed not being able to see him and yesterday morning I legit got on my hands and knees and begged my mom for the car for the night so I could see him. She said yes and I was so thrilled. That after noon he texted me saying that he picked up some extra work and that we might not be able to go to a concert last night and I texted him back telling him it didn't matter, that all I wanted to do was see him. And he never replied back. I texted him hours later asking him to please at least respond to me and tell me what was going on... No answer. He totally ignored me and blew me off last night. The one day we were able to see each other he ignored me and didn't give a shit. I wasn't even worth a response. I was crushed and still am. For a guy who says he doesn't like liars and mind games, get a kind loving girls hopes up tell her you like her then ignore her and blow her off.  What a hypocrite. Out of all the names to call him I think a deceiver works best. I was so pissed off and upset yesterday I thought about keying his car. But after a needed night out with my best girl friends I've decided to not be angry. I feel bad. Because he just lost the best thing that could've happened to him.